How To Rule the World

A recent email sent to those Left Behind from He Who Was Left in Charge of Those Left Behind reminded us to properly clean and store dishes and utensils which are all too frequently abandoned in the office sink. Unclean items can attract insect visitors and though we may enjoy the rustic nostalgia induced by a chirping cricket every now and then, we certainly wouldn't want roaches tromping all over our kitchen.

One industrious bug torturer, however, has graduated from frying ants with a magnifying glass and developed a means of controlling roaches' movements using a simple back-of-the-roach-mounted aparatus and a micronputer. He says that, if made light enough, the whole thing could be operated by remote control instead of (as it is now) pre-programmed movements.

So, Left at Filterites, rebel and leave your dirty Tupperware, coffee mugs and peanut-butter-encrusted spoons in the sink. How else can I lure and capture an army of cockroaches who will do my bidding, enabling me to RULE THE WORLD? Fear not, I will be a benign and sympathetic global monarch and will forgive any unhygenic kitchen practices which assisted me in my ascent. In fact, I will go so far as to grant you positions in my cabinet and offer you enormous amounts of real estate. Who wants Australia?